So someone made a comment to me the other day about not going all the way. Not like that you dork, like in commitment, but yeah I know I was all jumping to conclusion when they said that to.
Baw chukka wow wawo. But no.
They told me... no they pointed out to me... that when it comes to commitment, I typically head for the fucking hills and 9 times out of 10 I don’t realize I’m doing it. That’s not a disclaimer, it’s just an observation. Case and point, I was engaged and now I’m not.
So she said to me that I have trouble going all the way, with love, with work, with school, with life in general, it’s not that I don’t want to its just that I think high school was the only long term commitment that I’ve ever followed through on and I’m about to turn 23. It makes me blink a bit.
Actually it makes it hard for me to breath. I’m still thinking on why so you’ll have to forgive me if that’s kind of abrupt.
I used to okay it with the lazy but somehow acceptable phase of ‘I get bored easily’. But that’s just shit and we all know it.
Or maybe I’m just to fucking spoiled and when I don’t get what I want with work I pick up my shit and send them off with a single finger salute.
Maybe I’m just depressed, and being depressed is easier then facing the real world because let’s face it, its fucking depressing.
Fuck this, you know. Why not? Why commit to anything? What’s in it for me? Hmmm? The promise to be mildly happy and make sacrifices and compromise for people and events that I don’t truly give a shit about. I’m sure if you really love you job or if you really love a person make those sacrifices would fell good and make you all fuzzy inside but I can’t honestly say I’ve enjoyed smiling at bitchy customers or going to others family reunions or writing stupid essays on how I decorate my house in German.
But then again what the hell else are you supposed to do with your time? Sit and write reflective blogs that are vague displays for why it’s okay to not follow through.
I fucking resent that, or maybe I just represent that. I’m a not follow-througher. And I fly off the handle, and I do shit spur of the moment cause with me that’s the only way it gets done.
Well, while I’m flying around from topic to topic; Che, you need to link me your non teacher blog cause my side link is broken and I just might be your internet stalker cause I keep having to Google your site to read it.
Well whatever it’s not like bitching on here is going to get me anything special, although I could so go for some cookies right now, you have no idea....
I am going to go back to school, I swear to fucking Christ all mighty ( I’m not religious but it’s what the cool kids say) for love nor fucking money I will get my bachelors. Come hell or high water I will get myself a pointless fucking degree in painting pretty pictures so help me god. This is not New Year’s resolution, this is me following through. This is me committing.
I can’t breathe again, but fuck it I don’t need to right now. I don’t need to breathe yet.
Just you watch me.
-Tangent