The Golden Apple Corps

Cat and tounge

So yeah, I've got a lot to say. I'm just not ready to say it yet.

Didn't want you to think i had forgotten about you.

-Tangent

My consolation prize

So I finally finished work on the 12^th. When I say finally I mean it, it took 6 god dam months to a job they told me would only be 60 days. Liars. And it just so happened to be our Christmas party.

Can anyone guess what Tangent did?

FUCKING DRUNK

Yep that simple. Open bar = 75 people become floor lickin’ drunk by 830 pm... And we haven’t even done the gift exchange yet.

Yeah... it was interesting and I’m glad I was only fucking drunk and not totally annihilated like Nash... and Chief and everyone else.

You know there’s so much I could say about that. But I think its wiser to leave it be.

Well... when our staff gets drunk apparently they all become very horny... it’s like they haven’t gotten any for 6 months or soem thing... they almost kind of become swingers. If you don’t know what that is, Google it. I don’t have time to wade through the mass of porn the will come up to do it myself.

But that was yesterday. This evening in the quiet town of 'Dodge', where my parents still reside I went a Jane Arden concert.

I know what your thinking, my uterus isn’t that fucking big, the tickets were given to me last minute by a friend of my dad’s. So I took my lil sister. You know, it wasn’t bad, and she’s a pretty funny woman ands she’s definitely there to entertain, but it was all so ‘love and heart break, and emotions that A; if you didn’t tear up your a robot and should be shot and B; you could actually gag on all the estrogen in the room. It was like a fucking sauna of high school girl hormones reminiscing of lost loves and shitz. Gag me. So yeah, it was a good show, but it’s not really my kind of show. But the guy who opened for her, some hula-hoop guy was good; my sis even bought his CD.

And on a Huge Epic minor side note;

I own a car as of yesterday.  And it didn’t kill me. And it’s very sexy.

Like, way sexy. But not as sexy as me. Obviously.

-Tangent

Make a lil' mayham

So I was going to tell you all about how much I love red bull and  how many lives its saved thanks to its exceptionally high caffeine and sugar content but instead I'm going to tell you all about how I wish I could say that most amazing things to Miss Sue. *smiles*

But first I'm going to reference an old web comic that i used to read. I don't know if it still exists, but i think I'm going to look it up when i get some free time.. wait.. I'm at work... I HAVE ALL THE FREE TIME IN THE WORLD! seriously... here's the link.

So yeah sometimes i just bite my tongue when Sue says stupid shit, and really any normal person who didn't want to stab her in the face with a spoon would say "hey, don't be dumb" but i hold my tongue cause if i says don't be stupid.. i wont stop, I'd tel her that its not the early 80s and she can comb her hair now, and perhaps she should talk to her daughter about dressing like a stripper thats about to go on stage, and i might ask her why her teeth are some amny different colours and if maybe she wants to copy write them as i think they have yet to be named. I would ask her how she doesn't know that her voice is like nails on a chalk board and if she knows that she absolutely must repeat everything she says four fucking times and still ask me if i "get it". I would tell her that she is not as computer suave as she might think and i would tell her to buy a tread mill.

That is why i hold my tongue. But because i don't say any thing, because i just agree and ignore, i get 'Tangent, why isn't this done. Tangent, do this. Tangent this needs to be like this.'

Fuck you Sue, you do it. I personally don't care that the employee numbers are not on the invoice, it makes no difference, if its such a big deal, you do. Is all the time done? Well seeing as how i sent it to you i would think so, oh whats that? You want me to double check? Let me go take a shit and then ill let you know.

Just smile, say okay and ignore.

-Tangent

I wanna be a freak....

<Domsey> Woah, I got the weirdest moment of my entire life this morning
<bender> what happened?
<Domsey> you know, there was a party at my neighbours' last night
<bender> yeah, you've been fucking drunk..
<Domsey> you've been there, too?
<bender> sure...
<Domsey> well, you see i can't remember anything
<Domsey> but this morning I woke up in my bed, and there was my mom lying next to me.
<bender> wtf...?
<Domsey> That's exactly what i thought
<Domsey> So, my mom got up instantly when i woke up, smiled at me and said "U're so much better than your dad is." then she left the room
<bender> OMFG!!!
<bender> you didnt do that! TELL ME IT WASNT LIKE THAT!!! TELL ME YOU'RE A DUMBASS LIAR!!!
<Domsey> no, i'm not lying
<bender> OMG!!!
<Domsey> but it turned out she was playing a trick on me. Paycheck for coming home late, all drunk.
<bender> ...
<bender> your mom's such a freak. o.O

http://bash.org/?868223

Shakin' trees

So if you haven't figured it out yet, I bitch, a lot. I bitch about my job, I bitch about my co-workers, my boss, my life, just about my everything. I think its just something I do naturally much to the unfortunate of the rest of the world.

Some times i reflect on just how much I complain and why and i get these tiny wispy epiphanies as to how to be happier and what i can do to make myself smile more. And then they fall flat on their faces, and I'm left stressed out and angry all over again.

But I've come to the conclusion that to matter how much i bitch and moan about what i have to do to have a roof over my head and food in my belly, I will never complain as much a a welder.And I will never be as much of a bitch as an accountant. Those are the two worst breeds of people ever. If your one of those, I'm sorry for your luck but you have to admit that its true.

Nash has this saying 'Shake any tree in Alberta and 5 welders will fall out." I hope for the sake of my sanity, and this blog, that isn't true with accounts as well.

And Yes, dammit Alberta has trees, and mountains too!

-Tangent

Beware of the Doghouse